Barfing in a cooler is teh new black

I signed up for okcupid. It's time for me to date. Totally ready for a relationship.
I had my first date on Friday. We met for lunch. He's so nice and really really into me. Me, not so much after I met him. He's just not my type.
Anyways, Saturday night he called me to go out, and in a moment of drunken weakness I said yes. He's responsible, kind, very attentive, and a lot of fun.
He picks me up and I'm already half lit because I'd just gone to the movies to see The Social Network (which SUCKED) with another guy and we were drinking rum and coke in the theatre.
We go to Fox's, where I promptly get out of the car and smash my cocktail glass in the parking lot (cla$$y what!) This guy is thoroughly amused. Later, after somehow deciding NOT to go to the strip club, we're driving to the Grove in his car and I say, "Listen I'm not into you at all, but I'd still really like to fuck you into traction tonight. Cool?"
He says yes.
Fast forward 6 hours and I wake up in his bed, blood ALL OVER the 64,000 threadcount sheets. Teh secks has forced my period. yay menstruation! It really looks like a massacre. Yet he's still totally delighted with me somehow.
I'm not that mortified, but of course I apologize sincerely. He goes to the store to get me Tylenol and cuban toast and coffee and comes back with all that plus a 6 pack he immediately starts drinking. I can't blame him. I drank so much the night before that he needs to start drinking first thing in the morning (which is actually like 1 pm).

While he's gone I open his laptop, log into his facebook and friend myself, then update his status to say, "period blood under my fingernails? √ #uknowitwasagoodnight.

I ask if we can have sex again. He says yes, then reminds me that the night before I told him I wasn't into him AT ALL. I nod. Sounds about right. He says, "Man you totally duded me. I was like, wtf. But you're so stupid hot."
We do it again. And I have to say it was spectacular. He's very very good. Yet he keeps telling me to be quiet. But it feels so good I'm having a hard time keeping it down, so while we're fucking I'm literally apologizing in between the yelps that inevitably escape my lips. UNF. This he finds incredibly sexy, so it gets even hotter....and so forth.

Later he gets a little upset, cuz he asks about going out again in the future, even if I'm not really into him. I say no and that I'm moving on. I put it as gently and firmly as possible. I really don't want to hurt his feelings.
He starts asking, "But what's my fatal flaw?...''
I say, "Nothing, it's fine, you're wonderful. I'm just not into you like that."
So later he's taking me home and we're almost to my house (it's a long drive) and I say, "I'm gonna be sick; please pull over"
He says, "No way am I letting you puke in someone's yard. We're almost to your house. I have a cooler in the backseat"
I'M MORTIFIED.
BUT I HAVE TO PUKE. NAO.
He passes me the cooler, I proceed to barf. It's awful. Plus the whole time he's saying, "Mmmm that smells grrrreat." and "This is such a good look for you, sweetie"
And I'm fairly sure I've just gotten puke on the Ray Bans he let me wear for the ride home.
He says, "You're gonna be a lamb and rinse that cooler out for me when we get to your place right?"
When I ask for a napkin he hands me a Brooks Brother's handkerchief. I can't help but laugh. I had no idea guys this nice and awesome actually exist.

Needless to say that fucking cooler went into the garbage out back. Along with his W-4's that were inside the cooler.

And he *still * wants to be all up in my business. Best date EVAR.
Straight Class.

#imneverdrinkingagain